Legalese

Why do lawyers make things so bloody difficult to read? I'm working my way through a pile of newsletters on my desk at work and am being reminded why I put these off as long as possible. Granted, that only serves to torture me even more when I try to read several in a row but... I never said I always did things is the best possible way. LOL These darn things make my eyes cross and when I'm already tired, make it really difficult to stay alert.

(BTW I'm so worn out today because I was awoken at 3:30 this morning in a very strange way. All of a sudden, I noticed my bed was quite literally soaking wet. I don't mean damp, I mean drenched! I woke up because the waist of my pajama pants and my whole camisole top were sopping wet due to a huge ring of water. And no I don't have a water bed that sprung a leak. It's like someone took a 5 gal bucket of water and dumped it in the middle of the bed. The other half of my bed, where I don't sleep, was even worse! I don't know what happened or how, but it was the strangest thing. So when I get home from work I have the joys of washing the sheets, stripping the mattress pad and cover off and washing those since I haven't a clue what happened.)

Anyhow, after my aside of why I'm tired today, back to the subject at hand. Here is an example of just one segment of one of these newsletters... "After promulgation of the final regulations for boilers and process heaters, the administrator received petitions for reconsideration of certain provisions in the final rule. EPA is initiating the reconsideration of some of those provisions by requesting comment on certain provisions of the approach used to demonstrate eligibility for health-based compliance alternatives, as outlined in appendix A of the final rule, and on the provisions establishing a health-based compliance alternative for total selected metals. EPA is not requesting comment on any other provisions of the final rule or granting petitioners' request that EPA stay the effectiveness of the health-based compliance provisions of the final rule, pending this reconsideration action."

Ok can anyone tell me what I just read? LOL if I wrote a paragraph like this in one of my book reviews, I'd be told to toss it and start all over. I'm highlighting certain repetitive phrases to show just how confusing this darned thing is! This is a total of only THREE sentences and every repetitive expression was used at least three times. And this tells me nothing except something about provisions on a final rule on health based alternatives, yet I have no clue what exactly I'm supposed to be concerned about here. And all of the segments in the newsletter are exactly like this. Yes folks, a day in the life of my job.