Tuesday, December 06, 2005

My rambling thoughts today

Reading a blog entry of a friend of mine today about her "Moody Monday" as she referred to it got me to thinking about my own moods this past few months. I've been unhappy in a lot of ways, depressed about many things. And what started out as an "I understand what you are going through" comment on her blog ended up becoming a lot more than I intended. So I decided that wasn't the place to post my own rambling thoughts. Then I thought, Hmmm, where is the appropriate place for it? So I cut and paste almost my whole reply to her below...

I've been suffering with my own minor depression for a few months. Partially because of my own bad relationship this year, partially because in my circle of family and friends, there have been three weddings, 9 babies to date (my coworker's wife was being induced today) with one more on the way any day now, and three engagements. And you know, I was supposed to be one of those engagements this year! That was our plan, we were talking about it, and that all went to hell. So I've been a hermit for a few months, dealing with being miserable after the dreadful year I've had. I mean, TWO burglaries in the space of one year, a doomed relationship, the constant baby after baby after wedding after wedding this year and so forth.

But you know, I could be a lot worse off and I keep reminding myself of that. I could have been in my car when the person decided to steal it, I could have been in my apartment when it was burglarized, and thus I could have been seriously injured. I could still be in the relationship that tore me up emotionally this year. There's those things. I could have lost my job like is quite possibly going to be happening really soon, if not already, all over the Army Reserves with the reorganization. I could have been one of the millions affected by the dreadful hurricanes this year.

So when I get depressed, I think about what could have happened to me and what did happen. I remind myself of all the blessings I do have. I have my health, my family, my friends (old and new), my home, a good job. I have lots of ideas whirling through my mind at any given moment. I have peace in my heart and mind. I have my faith in God, and my faith in myself. I have the memory of that dream several months ago about my Uncle Ken, the dream that I am totally convinced was his way of letting me know that though he may not be with me in body anymore, he will always be with me in spirit, when I need him.

I have the lessons learned as I suffered through everything that happened to me in past months. I know that at the end of this year, which has probably been the worst year in my life in a very long time, I know that I wouldn't have been put to the test if He didn't think I could handle it. And at the end of the day, week, year, I'll be loads stronger in heart, soul, and mind because I went through it all.


At 11:49 AM, Anonymous SoniaK said...

Kel, you have had a pretty rough year, and you should be REALLY proud of yourself that you have come through it so well. Seriously! I for one am constantly impressed by your strength.

Hang in there, next year HAS to be better!


At 11:59 AM, Blogger Kelley said...

I sure hope next year is better! After this one, I could sure use a better one.


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