Friday, February 10, 2006

strange debate today at lunch

And I just had to post about it and get other people's thoughts too. Granted weird discussions at work are not all that unusual with some of the folks I work with but this was weirder than most. Just remember, you've been warned... LOL

Somehow we got on to the discussion of relationships and marriage and how long it takes to get to know someone and how well you get to know them.

A common debate is the should you or shouldn't you live together first and how does that affect the relationship. Now one of my "net friends was just talking about this a couple weeks ago in one of our groups so I'm not getting in to it all, esp. since I don't remember what the studies she had read about said.

The two people I rode to lunch with insist you need to share everything with someone before marrying. And I do mean EVERYthing. Both of them seem to think you have to be comfortable enough with a person to not be afraid or embarrassed to walk in to the bathroom to take a shower or brush your teeth while someone is actually ON the toilet and using it. They said unless you can share everything including that, you can't know them enough. I'm sorry but I don't agree with that at ALL! I can be as close to another person as you can possibly be but I sure as heck doesn't want to be brushing my teeth while they are taking a dump! So they said that if you've never been in a relationship with someone where we were comfortable doing that than you have never known someone well enough to marry them.

I'm sorry but there are some things I don't need to share with someone else. I used to get SO mad at D when he'd go in and use the bathroom and leave the door wide open. I refuse to share that with someone. If I'm on the pot than you can bet my door is closed. Heck I live alone with only my cats for company and I STILL close the door to use the toilet. Their thoughts on teh subject? If I'm never willing to share that with someone then I'll never be ready to be married. WHATever!

Geez can't anything be kept private in today's society? Do we really need to share everything including our body's waste disposal functions with our significant other?

My parents have been married 35 years, quite happily and they don't share that. So.. .what? they shouldn't have married because Dad doesn't go brush his teeth or shave while Mom is going to the bathroom?

Like I said, this was a very strange debate and they insisted you had to share it all to get married. And this is a typical day in the life of conversations with my coworkers. So what are your thoughts on the subject? Y'all know my thoughts on the subject, I want to hear yours. So whose the weirder side, the yes share it and bare it all or the keep it private contingent?

You were warned... LOL

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At 8:50 AM, Blogger Terri said...

For one thing being able to do something and actually doing something are two different things. I mean you COULD brush your teeth while he is on the can, but why would you want to??? I do think you have to know each other very well before getting married but I think you don't necessarily WANT to know everything. I mean if the trust is there, and you KNOW it, do you NEED to know every girl they ever fantasized about growing up? No. Would they answer if you asked? To me - that is the more important question. If the answer is yes, you don't NEED to ask ro know the girls names. lol the important part is that he is open to you. There is no perfect relationship. I think couples need to find their levels of comfort between themselves. And personally I don't wnat to share ANYONE's dump thank you very much. lol

At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Kelley, its Laura! I just wanted throw something in bc I just moved in with my bf. We did it for convenience reasons as much as being ready for it-we both needed a new place. However as far as sharing everything, I don't think it *necessary* to get married. I know its weird but I'm find if I'm in the shower and he comes in to do a #1 or brush teeth, I can share a bathroom. My only rule on that is #2 is ALWAYS kept private. When I think of sharing things before getting married I think in terms of deepest secrets, fears, desires, money issues or religion issues, children etc. I think that is MOST important before saying the I Dos. My 2cents.

At 9:40 AM, Blogger Shelleen said...

I think that you should share most everything but I certainly don't want to brush my teeth when DH is going to the bathroom. Although you know, I have been washing my hands when he has walked in and gone to the bathroom. Don't anyone dare to come in when I am going though. I do not believe that you have to do that in order to know everything. That to me is just a hygiene thing. I certainly wouldn't want him to come in when it is that time of the month and I don't think he would want to. Some things are just meant to be private. This society is getting ridiculous to me wanting to have to do EVERYTHING together. i was one of those teenagers that hated it when I got up in public, to use the restroom and my friends said I will come with you. Why? I don't need help.

At 8:25 AM, Blogger Penelope Marzec said...

I think there's a considerable lack of respect in a relationship such as you've described and I don't believe that's good for the couple.

At 1:02 PM, Blogger Kelley said...

I'm with all of you. Just because I don't care to expose all to a significant otehr doesn't mean we aren't close. Some things are just meant to be kept private. You don't need to share EVERYthing to be happy. And I think leaving one be for such things is more for respect than anything.

At 11:38 PM, Anonymous diffr said...

Hey Kelley,
I think u got a pretty funky office environment to be talking about these things! lol! :)
I think what your co workers were getting at is that you have to be ready to share some very personal things with someone to be able to commit to them. As in very personal things not generally shared with others. Since you can be comfortable with very very good friends. Your level of comfort ideally with your wife/husband should be one level higher.
Some say best relationships and ones that have more chance of succeeding are the ones where the couple were friends first. Sex is all good, but you have to be able to talk to each other at some point :) I dont think I need to point out that if there is no real trust then there is no real relationship.
For the record I wouldnt want to have someone in the bathroom when I am doing #2. Not my idea of a turn on! Plus its hazardous material and I wouldnt want to endanger my significant other :) Got to find a significant other first*.. hmmm :)

At 11:42 PM, Blogger Kelley said...

oh i'm not arguing the being able to share everything but they were adamant about this particular topic. Insisted you had to be able to share that or you shouldn't be married. I have no problems at all with sharing any and everything, but some things, like using the toilet are NOT meant to be shared. LOL

At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Sonia said...

This was trully funny Kel! I don't agree that you MUST be able to share in this particular "event" or you're not ready to be married. I think that's a silly view of things. On the other hand, I can see how some people might see it as proof that they trully are 100% comfortable in front of their significant other.

For me personally, I have no interest in sharing the #2 spot on the throne. You do yours, I do mine, we don't even really have to talk about it, okay? ;-) but like someone said, I have no issues with being in the bathroom when someone else does a #1...maybe that comes from the drunken college days of the girls holding each other up after too much drinking! lol

At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Laurie said...

Phil and I have lived together almost 11 years part of that married part not.We have never shared the bathroom in the way your co workers describe!And we have a very strong marriage anyway!How long do these people take to brush their teeth for goodness sake?The other person can't wait 2 minutes? And if it is really an emergency couldn't the other spouse vacate the room for them? On occasion one of us has a need to pee while the other is in the shower.But if I thought Phil was sitting down on that toilet it would be the shortest shower of my life,lol!


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